


White Noise

by raggamuffian



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dean is very caring, M/M, also mentions of suicide, both are subtle though, drug use and mentions, he loves his bbf, this is both pre and post slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-09 03:11:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11095662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raggamuffian/pseuds/raggamuffian
Summary: The mandatory weekly check in came and went without a single call. Dean tried calling Cas’s cell every hour after their designated time but still nothing. Finally, he couldn’t take it any longer and took the hour drive down to Cas’s place. He could always have called the police again, but, if Cas was doing what Dean was worried about, then he didn’t want to get Cas arrested again. It would be especially bad now seeing that Cas had moved onto harder stuff now...





	White Noise

**Author's Note:**

> If you didn't see from the tags, there are some triggers in this fic. If you aren't comfortable with drug use, drug abuse, and suicide mentions, you really shouldn't be reading this. There are other fics out there. Stay safe ya'll.

The mandatory weekly check in came and went without a single call. Dean tried calling Cas’s cell every hour after their designated time but still nothing. Finally, he couldn’t take it any longer and took the hour drive down to Cas’s place. He could always have called the police again, but, if Cas was doing what Dean was worried about, then he didn’t want to get Cas arrested again. It would be especially bad now seeing that Cas had moved onto harder stuff now.

He spent a good ten minutes pounding on Cas’s door until a neighbor came out to yell at him. He gave one extra pound for good measure. Still nothing. He sat down with his back to the door. He slid his phone from his pocket and cradled it in-between his knees. He knew what he could do. He could call Meg. She’d come in with her key to the place if he asked nice enough. (Nice to her generally meant emptying her pockets for her though.)

He hovered his hand on her number for a few seconds. He hated her. He wasn’t sure if it came from the fact she introduced this stuff to Cas or that he gave her a copy of his key without giving Dean one too. It was probably a combination of both if he was being honest. In the end, worry for Cas won out. The phone rang a few times, there was an answering click, and then Meg’s voice crackled in his speakers, “Sorry, you must have dialed the wrong number. This isn’t Busty Asian Beauties.”

“Come unlock Cas’s door, you bitch.”

“Oh, come on now. Would it kill you to be nice to me for once?”

Dean scrubbed his hand over his face. “Meg, come unlock Cas’s door for me before I come hunt you down and shoot you on the face,” he paused, “please.”

“Improvement. I’m impressed. But sorry, I can’t actually do that. He took my key and I’m avoiding the police in South America at the moment.”

“He made you give your key back?”

“That’s what you decided to focus on? Yes, he made me give back my key.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. He was your boyfriend first. How did he break up with you?”

“How many times—He broke up with you?“

There was a sigh and then nothing, not even the white noise that was there before.

“Meg? Meg? C’mon you son of a bitch,” Dean looked at the phone screen to make sure it didn’t disconnect. There was supposedly still a signal. “Meg?” Still nothing. So he let his head fall against the door and waited. A few minutes later, the familiar sound of static appeared again.

“I told my lovely, ex landlord to open the door for you.”

Dean let out a sigh of relief.

“I do require something back from you though.”

There it was. The fucking catch. “What now?”

You could hear shifting across the line as. When she finally talked, it was a lot quieter than she was before. “Tell me how he is.” Then the line did go dead.

Dean waited in silence until he heard the elevator beep. He scrambled up and waited impatiently at the door as a short, gangly man walked up to him. “Howdy, Dean!” Garth beamed. “Been awhile since I saw you around these parts. Boss told me that I needed to open this door for you right?”

“Yeah,” Dean tried to give Garth a smile. “Can you…”

“Sure thing,” Garth started to mess around with his keys. He began to talk about some other random thing, but Dean blocked it out. Instead he focused on the door handle that still hadn’t moved. What if Cas was dead in there? That interrupted conversation he had been trying to push away flooded into his mind. It had been months ago when Cas had almost causally said he wanted to die. Now he wasn’t answering his phone and now the thing with Meg and…

Garth opened the door. Dean shoved his way in. He realized after he was in that Garth was still standing in the doorway, so Dean awkwardly said, “Uh thanks.”

“No problem,” Garth smiled even wider then pulled Dean into a hug. He patted Dean’s back with more force than looked possible in his skinny arms. “Hope you find what you’re looking for in there.”

“Uh, thanks,” Dean said again as they pulled away. He shut the door carefully in case Cas was sleeping even after all the noise Dean made earlier. The apartment was a mess. Cas always kept the place messier than Dean would, but this was ridiculous. Clothes, dishes, and food wrappers were scattered everywhere on the floor. Also lone pills but Dean tried to ignore those the most. Cas always kept those safe. Normally kept them safe.

He found Cas in the bedroom closet. He couldn’t see breathing from the doorway. “Cas?” Nothing. “ _Cas?_ ” Dean tried again louder. Still nothing. He crouched down to touch Cas’s hand. Still warm. He moved his other hand to Cas’s throat. There was a pulse, and, this close up, he felt a faint breath too. He was still alive at least.

Cas grumbled as Dean pull him up. At least there was some response. His head lolled around dangerously around his shoulders however so Dean quickly put him on his bed before any more serious damage could happen.

He lifted up Cas’s eyelids only for Cas to bat Dean’s hand’s away.

“Just checking to make sure you’re alright, buddy,” Dean said before checking Cas’s eyes again. This time, Cas let him. They were glassy and bloodshot, but a whole hell of a lot more responsive than Dean expected. His pulse and breathing were picking up too.

“Why… here?” Cas asked groggily. “Drive.”

“Because you missed your check in.”

“No, it’s,” Cas tried getting up only to slip and almost fall. Dean caught him and placed him back on the bed.

“Don’t move yet. You’re still out of it.”

“Friday.”

“No, Cas, it’s Tuesday.”

Cas looked up with his glassy, red eyes. “Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.” Dean struggled to keep the anger and sadness out of his voice. “I’m going to make you some grub.”

“Ok.”

Dean pulled the covers over Cas and pushed his greasy hair off his forehead. “I’m going to be in the kitchen. Yell if you need anything.”

Cas didn’t respond, so Dean got up to leave. He hesitated in the doorway. He thumbed at the phone in his pocket, debating if he should call 911 or take Cas to the hospital. It wasn’t the worst shape he had been in though, and the symptoms seemed to be fading fast. Cas was already on shaky grounds with the authorities too. Last time, that cop Hester actually shot Cas. That was something Dean never wanted to relive, so he kept on walking to the kitchen.

He found Cas’s phone there. There were fifteen missed calls, ten from Dean, four from Meg, one from an unknown number. Dean clicked the phone off before he got tempted into looking at the eighteen texts that were there as well.

He tried to avoid thinking what sort of drugs were going through Cas’s system this time. It never was a good thing to think about. Instead, he started dragging things out of the fridge. He threw away anything he recognized from last time he visited, and put the things that would be the least terrible if they were spoiling on the counter. There wasn’t much and even less of it was something non-hopped up Cas would buy. Dean let himself get mad for a moment, shoving all the stupid crap food his normal Cas would hate into the trash where it belonged. He refrained from kicking the can or setting it on fire or something similar.

Instead, he started shifting through the cupboard. Ten minutes and a quick google search later, he started some weird pasta with honey in it. It sounded right up Cas’s alley. While he was waiting for the water to boil, he turned to the stack of bills on the table. The gas, the water, the electricity, Meg’s dealer disguised as a furniture ad—that one Dean tore in half and tossed in the trash too—the cost of it all was up in the thousands. Then, at the bottom of the pile, Dean’s heart stopped.

Eviction. Cas was being evicted. Dean tore open the envelope as steadily as he could and skimmed the letter as best he could. Cas hadn’t paid his rent in over six months. It was a wonder he didn’t get kicked out long before this. They gave him a week to get out. Dean turned back to the envelope to see how long ago it was sent. Five days ago. Cas only had two more days at this place before he was kicked out on the streets. With his credit, finding a new place that would let him rent would be a miracle.

Dean placed down the letters for now. There wasn’t much he could do about it. What he could do however was finish up the food he was making. The only pasta was shaped like rabbits, so he dumped that into the water. He had to pick through all the garlic to find some cloves that hadn’t turned into brown mush yet. Even then, he had to cut off parts of them. He sautéed those with some butter. He threw in some honey and dried thyme and basil like the recipe said. Then, for something to make it less plain, he threw in some red pepper in too. There wasn’t any fresh cheese, so he grabbed the green tub of powdered stuff to sprinkle on top.

He looked down at his creation. It wasn’t exactly something he could say he was proud of, but it was something. That was better than what Cas had probably been eating for the past few days.

He went to Cas’s room with two of the bowls balanced on one arm and carried the tub of cheese with his hand. Cas was sitting up now. He even looked over and smiled sadly at Dean when he entered. He took the bowl preciously balanced on Dean’s arm into his hands. He looked down at the pasta meekly. “Dean,” he started.

“Eat,” Dean demanded. He bounced down onto the bed too right in front of Cas. He shoveled a giant spoonful into his mouth only to cringe. “This shit is disgusting.”

Cas took a smaller bite of his. His eyes soften some as he took another spoonful. “I like it.”

“It would have been better if I didn’t put honey in it.”

“Dean,” Cas waited until Dean looked up to catch his eye, “thank you.”

Dean turned embarrassingly back to his bowl of pasta. “Yeah, whatever, man.”

The two fell into silence. It made Dean uneasy since he was used to Cas filling up this sort of time with random questions or trivia. It was weird to be alone and not have Cas talk nonstop. Cas pushed around the few of the bunnies left around the bottom of the bowl. “I tried to kill myself.”

Dean felt the words hit him like a freight train. He took a few breathes before asking, much more quietly than he meant to, “Why didn’t you call me?”

“I knew hearing your voice would make me not be able to go through with it.” Dean opened his mouth, but no words came out. Cas seemed to take the hint however because he continued, “In the best of times, I ruin my life. At the worst, I ruin everyone else’s lives. I’m not, as you know, good for anything.”

“Cas, shut up. You’re not good for nothing. You’re going through a tough time.”

“I’m in debt.”

“It happens. I couldn’t pay my bills for months after you moved out.”

“I’m being evicted.”

“Find a new place, man. It’s not the end of the world.”

“I loved Meg, but I wasn’t in love with her.”

This threw Dean out for a loop. “That’s why you broke up with her.” Cas titled his head in confusion which almost made Dean laugh in relief. It was the most normal thing that Cas had done all day. “I talked to her to get in here.”

“Oh. Yes, I loved her but it was the wrong type of love.”

"That’s why you’re supposed to live life a little. You know, get drunk early and bang seventy-two virgins before you’re twenty eight.”

“Is that a biblical reference or talking from your own life experience?”

Dean actually grinned at this. “Both.” The both of them lapsed into silence. Cas stared down at his hands. Dean swept his eyes around the room. It looked almost as bad as the living room. Pills littered this floor too. “What was with all the pills,” Dean made a gesture at the floor.

“I didn’t want to be able to use them anymore.”

Dean’s breath caught in his throat. He tried not to sound too hopeful when he asked, “You want to stop?”

“I wasn’t strong enough.”

“Move in with me.” The words had rushed out of his mouth before even he understood their meaning.

Cas’s head jerked upwards from his hands to Dean’s face. “I don’t think I understand.”

“Move in with me. You don’t have to worry about crap like find a new place to stay. You can focus on getting better. I’ll make you quit.”

“You want me to move in with you?”

“That’s what I’ve been saying, buddy.”

“Oh,” Cas looked back at his hands. “I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.”

“C’mon. We can at least try. We did it before.”

“A lot has changed since then. We aren’t twenty anymore.”

“So? Let’s try it out. We didn’t kill each other before.”

“Do you really want to?”

“Yeah, course I do.”

Cas kept looking at his hands a moment longer before turning up to face Dean. “Ok.”  
  
"Ok?"  
  
"Yes. Ok."

**Author's Note:**

> I have twenty nearly finished SPN fics just sitting on my computer. I've been trying to polish/fill in gaps so I can post them. I hate seeing all the thing's I've done go to waste. I mean, some of them are 60,000+ fics that I worked really hard on. All of them just never felt complete (like this one shouldn't really be called complete either). There are a few at least I'll be posting though. Keep an eye out.


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